What is Love?

“Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more.”

That’s a pretty well-known little ditty. But let’s think about this for a second… what IS love? The way we tend to view love, that song’s actually not too far off. Don’t hurt me. Me. ME! As my favorite comedian Brian Regan once sagely advised: Beware the Me Monster.

But we do this all the time. I know we don’t just walk around all the time trying to be selfish (at least I don’t. Maybe you do), but when we get down to brass tacks (I have no clue what that expression means), we’re pretty selfish pretty often, especially when it comes to love.

Why’d you break up with your boyfriend? Oh, he wasn’t sensitive enough.

Hold on, that doesn’t sound so selfish, right? But there’s actually an unspoken little “for me” hiding in that sentence. He wasn’t sensitive enough… for me. In other words, I didn’t like the amount of sensitive that he was. I would prefer someone more sensitive. That would make me happier.

I also hear this sometimes: I just wasn’t happy with her.

Now happiness is important. It really isn’t smart to stay with someone if you’re constantly miserable around them. But I still think we’re looking at this whole thing from the wrong angle. Why are you unhappy with her? Do you just need to get over yourself? I think some people do. We treat relationships like a buffet. I don’t like the flavor of this dish, so I’m just gonna move on down the line and find something that I like a little better. Still not good enough? Move on down the line, there’s gotta be something out there that will suit you.

Beware the Me Monster. And the more we do this, the pickier we get. Okay, now that I know I don’t like this this and this, the next dish I try has to meet these specifications or I won’t try it. This results in being so focused on what I want and what I’m looking for and what makes me happy, that we become self-centered and we lose sight of what love really is.

So what really is love?

Love is patient and kind. It doesn’t envy or brag. It’s not arrogant or rude. It doesn’t try to get its own way and it’s not cranky or resentful. It doesn’t enjoy doing wrong, but loves the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

That doesn’t sound very me-focused, does it? Love endures all things. It doesn’t give up when he forgets his deodorant one day and you realize that his B.O. smells like the part of Pumbaa that the sun don’t see.

Love isn’t cranky. Even if you’re having a bad day, why wreck someone else’s day too by being the guest of honor at your own pity party? This applies to more than just relationships, too. All of this does.

I believe love means putting someone else first. Putting their needs and wants and comfort above your own. And you know what the weird thing is? When I do that, when I put other people’s happiness first, I find myself feeling a lot happier too. But when I’m spending all my time looking out for my own happiness, I’m not usually very happy. Kinda backwards, eh?

Jesus Christ loves us. Like, really loves us. And he put us first by… well… by dying.

This Valentines Day, whether you have a “special someone” or not, choose to love. Love someone, anyone, everyone. And really love them, the real way, and see what kind of difference it makes, see how it affects that Me Monster that rampages through all of us from time to time.