I had a dream last night that I feel like I need to share…

First, a bit of back story. I had a massive Mexican dinner of chicken and cheese several hours before this dream. I think that might be the cause.

Anyway, so there I was, in this giant library. It was quite an awesome library full of dusty old relics, and I found several large ancient tomes that I wanted to check out. The problem, however, was that the books were so big that I got weary of carrying them around. So I stacked them on one of the bookshelves and decided I would come back for them when I was ready to check out.

But then it hit 5 PM, which was apparently when the library was supposed to close. I did not know this. And the weird thing was that this library didn’t just close when it closed; no, it turned into a mega ultra grocery store a la Sam’s Club. I didn’t know this either.

The even weirder thing was that in order to turn this library into a grocery store, the owners actually dragged all the book shelves into some magic room and replaced them all with shelves full of groceries. For some reason, I was not aware that this was going on, and I didn’t figure it out until I returned to the shelf where I had left my tomes and discovered that it had been replaced by a shelf full of Ritz Chips crackers.

This made me incredibly sad, despite the deliciousness of those baked Ritz snacks. I wasn’t in the mood for even a single Rit. I wanted my tomes. I shed a tear.

But then, on my dejected way out of the library-turned-supermarket, something caught my eye. It was called “The Bacon Barrel,” and it was an enormous barrel containing 80 pounds of bacon. It only cost $8.98 (that is the one thing I remember the absolute most clearly about this dream), and so I of course bought it. I was very happy, and had completely forgotten my tomes.

Then I woke up, and I shed a tear because The Bacon Barrel was not real.